Single-ship

“Ready naka magkauyab Jan?” 

Last Sunday, I was asked by a friend that shitty question which I answered heartily and truthfully while I am laughing inside ‘cos what a question. Face-slapped me with the truth. #ForeverAlone

So, why are you single?

“Ang sarap maging single! Pero mahirap ang mag-isa.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Well that was my post last January 11, 2016, 1:00am. And as of now, I am laughing at this post. I feel like I am the person my friends as me, “Desperado na ba Jan?”

Let me give you a general information. I want to explain my situation as of this writing. (Don’t worry, I will be posting if luckily there will be an improvement with my lovelife.)

 

There are 3 types of being single.

1. Single by choice. Those people who opt to be single because they want to be single. Those who don’t entertain suitors or any relationship which involve commitment and love. Aaaaand, let me also add here those people whose standard are so high that we can’t reach the standard. Well, we can also blame here the kdrama that they were, might be, influenced. The main lead is so perfect that you wanted your partner to be like that. Am I right? Girls? Omoooooo.
2. Single because no choice. These are the people who are, sorry, low of market value. Those people who are not “ligawin”. These people are ready for love but love is not yet ready to come. Antay lang, bes.
3. Single because ginawang choice. These are include people who  are single but is seeing somebody who is already taken. We can also categorize those people who did not know that they are the #2 or #3 or so on. #Saklap

 

So if you want to know what type of single am I, then as of this writing, I am on #1. Chaaaaar. Ganda.  Actually, I was a #2, then a #3 then, now I am  #1. Funny it seems but yea, I rejected someone from last year. And I think now I will take back what I just wrote. I think I am back to Single #2.

I am really not someone who catches everyone’s attention. Why, because my facial feature is not that pleasing. And I don’t make an effort to look appealing to boys eyes. I feel like I over exerted when I try to look mature as my age and act as also mature as my age. Then I became someone’s past time. Well, he went to me if the girl he was courting was busy or something. How did I discovered? When I told him I was already fed up with how he treat me, and I told him, “I’m outta here”, he then posted the picture of his girl the day after the confrontation. Damn, may utang pa na 50 yun! 

Then here come Mr. X. He is caring and maybe would be a perfect boyfriend, buuuuuut, I really don’t feel anything about him. I honestly tried to give him a chance, but no to avail. I can’t bare to see him hoping for an US. So, I told him he is too good for me. Yes, I really don’t deserve him. Aaaand now, I am back to being single becaasue, NO CHOICE. I am happy with this life though. I feel really exhausted minding other people’s business, especially updating the other party of what I am doing. Well, I can also add that my standard is so high that Mr. X was sort of maybe 5 points. And please blame the kdramaaaa. lol

So to those people who kept on asking me, “Desperado na ba ka Jan? Nganong single pa ka?” I am single because God is making the best love story for me. Single blessedness. And, no, I am not desperate. One thing that I learned is whenever you hurry things up, you will also easily lose that something you have. They may not be the plan for you but you tried to make him the ONE, but look at what you are feeling right now, broken and the feeling of being rejected. Right? So to those people, who might read this, waiting for that someone, relax. Baka na traffic lang. OTW na yun.

 

 

Ps. To Mr. X, I know you know who you are, may the odds be with you. Let’s still be friend!

Thank you, CET

May 7, 2012. I remember I was the timid and shy girl coming to school for orientation and assignment of office as a Student Assistant at a school at Davao City. When it was my turn, we walked the path for which my cousin’s office was.

I really wasn’t expecting that I’ll be working with her and the feeling was very dreamy, being assigned at a very clean office with very cold environment and the office really looked very white that time for me. I’ve met my first colleagues and I was really happy.

I can’t forget being happy with simple joys, like free foods, foods and foods and outings and lectures from the Ates and Kuyas being stubborn and being kilig for Ate’s manliligaw and many more events that I may not have remembered this moment but will linger in my heart forever.

I have witnessed many beautiful things happen at the office and happen to watch many people leave the office. Most of them graduated, some left and looked for another office and some left without even saying goodbye.  To Kuya Ken who is with our Lord, I want you to be proud of me up there in heaven because I have made it. Loveyou!

On the other hand, I left the office after being superduper stubborn so I was assigned at IT Laboratory, which is another workplace under the office of the College of Engineering and Technology.

I have learned many things from the experience. I’ve transformed into someone I am today. And specially, I have learned to have a kilay already. Hihi. It was really a journey worth cherishing. Today marks the last day of my duty as a Student Assistant at my Holy Cross of Davao College. And I am very happy, very grateful for everybody who walked with me, who left me along the way, and whom I will be leaving for I will be taking another path, a better path all because I’ve been with all of you for the past 5 years.

This is not yet the end. This is just the beginning. I may leave the school but I will always cherish the feeling and the experience.

Thank you CET! 😘♥️

Love,

Jana💋

Ways to Love

What is love? How do you love? Why love? These are some of the frequently asked questions, for maybe those confused and unsure of LOVE. The thought of being in love, the feeling of love and love itself is sometimes unknown, unsure and unclear. So, to clear our minds, let us one by one answer the questions above.

WHAT IS LOVE. According to Merriam-Webster, LOVE is (1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; (2) attraction based on sexual desire :  affection and tenderness felt by lovers; (3) affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests. For some people, they may describe love as the feeling of having butterflies in you stomach, feeling of being inspired always.

Love is wanting him to be happy even it’ll mean of you being hurt. Love is giving her the last pizza, of your favorite flavor. Love is being happy with his achievement. Love is about being proud of him. Love is about waking up early to give her a wake up call. Love is being happy of her, being happy. Love is not about being unable to live without one another, but love is about being incomplete without one another, so you strive for having him. Love is the most wonderful feeling God has given everyone.

Well,  1 Corinthians 13:4-7 answers what is love.

HOW DO YOU LOVE? There is no real way of doing love. But listed below would be the first three things that people consider with love.

1. Love all. Loving all would mean loving everyone. Loving them when they are perfect and when they are imperfect. Loving all is seeing the good in everyone, never minding their imperfectness. Love the other person as you love yourself.
2. Be the first one to love. Have the initiative of loving first. Love him first. Indulge yourself and fall in love. There is no harm in loving him first. Say what you want to say to him! It might help.
3. LOVE REQUIRES SUFFERING. That is the what you should always remember. Love requires suffering. It isn’t love when you don’t feel hurt of being away from him, being unable to take good care of him, being unable to have tell him what is best for him.

LOVE=(falling in love+hurting)repeat

WHY LOVE? Love is the best feeling. Love is what human beings are made of . Love is what man is made and capable of. We love, always. We love in our everyday living. Always remember, 1 Corinthians 13:8

#InternFeels

I’ve been waiting for so long…  It’ll be almost 5 years… And here I am wearing this uniform, proud of everything I have done for myself, for my parents, and for everyone.. I am finally on my INTERNSHIP!

#yaaaaas

I’ve been busy since the start of the semester for my internship. I’ve dealt with problems with regards to many things for me to be able to push through my internship smoothly. We had various activities, Leadership Training, Seminars, Pinning Ceremonies and all. I struggled on disciplining myself for the deployment time and readying myself for the real thing. Aaaaaand, I’ve been struggling with what to do with my kilay! HAHAHAHAH. Yaaas, I feel like I don’t have the enough confidence that I should be having if I can’t do my kilay. But, I’ll get byyyyy. 😬☺️

#TheKILAYAttempt

So, I’ve been assigned at Davao City Special School. Until now I am keeping up with my parents expectations to me-that I should graduating and atleast do good. I am also struggling on waking up every morning and be positive and avoiding those negatives on my head and on my heart.

(    (    (   (  ( (( POSITIVITY )) )  )   )    )

Let us talk about how is my classroom. My classroom is ez. Joke. I have students with individual learning capacity, which I struggle so much. I also have a student with harsh tendencies, he already punched, pinched and wounded me. But I still can’t see myself hating him or everyone because they are them, they are angels, they are kids.👼🏻👼🏻👼🏻  *aweeee, Teacher Jana!

So far, I am enjoying my internship.  Even though it is eating almost of my time, I am happy. Even though it is that tiring and energy consuming, I am happy with what I am doing. I hope I will be a good teacher someday.

Selfies: 

Struggles, pains and all is what I am experiencing but I know I can do it! Yosh.

Ako pa. Si Jana kaya ko! 👸🏻

Memories and Feels

Anhyeonghaseyo!

I am back from writer’s block! HAHAHAHAHA I’ve been pre-occupied with my finals, requirements for my internship, and problems of existence~ char. But well, I am on my survival mode and hopefully will be able to overcome these shits life has prepared for me. *wink wink*

On the lighter note, I want to share to all of you my latest 5 top senti songs on my phone. Well because its -Ber months already and I always feel senti with I-don’t-know-what reasons I have. Being senti is like being in a music video for those mellow, love-love, brokenhearted music you have on your playlist. So here are the songs, (I will be using youtube for you to watch the music videos) and most of the songs I have are Visayan songs because the feels, babe. And I would like also to share my memories and feels with the song, if I have.

Sa Akong Heart – Von Saw

The song is about someone telling how he will cherish and love his crush if they’ll end up together. The music is very catchy and imagine your crush telling you how much he wants you be his, so #KiligFeels. You know, those high school love you had. HAHAHAHA. Unfortunately, I’m not blessed with that kind of love because, I am not popular in terms of beauty in our school. I’m popular with my brains. *waw

Pero Atik Ra – Jacqueline Chang 

I’ve been napaasa. 😬😐😢 I hoped for that certain person to love me because, well probably, he did told me I am special for him and all the fucks then in a blink *poof* he was gone. Pathetic. Well, the song is about a girl, telling someone that she will stop running for that someone’s attention, love and everything, but will still  hoped that that someone will chase her, wanting her back. I know it’s a pathetic move, and those who are inlove are fools. I am a fool, damn. And I want to give myself the satisfaction of turning my back, completely, and facing my future with nothing to hold back. And that is what I am doing right now. Head on! 👊🏻

Nobody But You – Monica Cuenco 

Say You Won’t Let Go – James Arthur

Nobody but you and Say You Won’ Let Go are two songs who promised everlasting, true and real and happy love. These songs drag my ultimate and forever crush on my mind. He WAS always there for me for the past years. He was my shock absorber and I always go back to him at the end of the day. Today, as I am writing this, I lost communication with him. Like the other people in my life, he promised to be at my back, always, in times of need and not in need. But he broke that promise. But my mind always lingers with him. He was always the one to bring back the smile in my face, way way wayyyyyy back. Awww, I miss him.

Kung Siya Man – TJ Monterde

The song brings all the heartaches of unrequited love. He laid everything, of what will he do, what will he feel and what will happen to his love for her if he won’t be chosen by her. I know. I feel you. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHuhuhu.

I know the songs made you cryy. I cri sometimes when I am on my deepest and lowest feelings. So, okay rana. Kayaha ang kasakit. Kay at the end of the day, you’ll always got yourself to lean on in times of hardships, broken feels and happy feels. Move forward girl.😘

Here is my last song, I love this song because it makes you feel loved kahit sa song man lang. ENJOY! *wink wink

Sila – SUD

#21st

I really don’t like birthdays. Because they always tell me how I age. 

We started my birthday celebration with #theGirls along with Je’s birthday.

The day of my birthday, I actually waited for someone’s text. HAHAHAHHAAH Pathetic, right. Well, I got my friends with me and my family so I am not that lonely.

What I wish for another year God gave me is another blessed, productive and happy year. Maybe I would like to have my bucket list all accomplished but, hey, I am quite busy so laters. 😘

Happy Araw ng Laag sa Sto. Tomas

Hello! How is everything going on? Its been ages since I’ve posted something this long. This is a sign that I am well again chos. I’ve been glued to my phone recently because I’ve been reading manga and ruining my school life, joke.

Usui Takumi, everyone.

 

Moving on, I went home last Saturday! *yey* After two months of not going home, two months of glued eyes on the screen of my phone and two months of concentration on my school life and duty life, I finally went home. I was planning to do it this Friday tho but my mother was very persistent because she wanted me to buy my brother’s drumsticks. yeah, sad life. My mother summoned me home because she wanted me to buy that thing for my brother.

But then I promised myself not to go out with my friends because I have my HE1 project to do and my Educ33 exams today, Monday. So, did nothing of what I planned. HAHAHAHAHA. Upon arrival, I called Jerald to “libre” me with all the rides the local carnival offered but we ended riding the useless horror cab, damn. We finished the night eating balut tho.

Well, Sunday was a different story. I was busy with my laundry and my project when my cousin’s cousin came because she will be living with us. And to become a good cousin, hahaha I went out with them to watch the DBC competition at the Gymnasium, but because t’was so hot (it’s 1 in the afternoon) we went back to the house after 30 minutes.

I went out to go to church at 4:30pm. But I arrived at the church 30 minutes later because there is a fire near gymnasium, which I should pass. Everyone’s like “I should video the smoke, the fire!” ugh. After church I met my friends, the same group I am with last April.

I came to realize just now that everytime I am with them, food is always free. LIBREEEEEE!

I ended my Araw ng Sto. Tomas early, because I feared the amount of gangsters on the place and I am afraid of getting stabbed by their icepicks or knives or I am just a morbid thinker.

Happy Araw ng Sto. Tomas!

Ps. We did not celebrate it with alcoholic drinks. They always knew.

She

She is laughing. Her smile is what everyone sees everyday. Her giddiness makes everyone think that she is okay. Her jokes looks like there is nothing bad happening. She is happy.

But every night, she cries herself to sleep. They didn’t know she cried when she was confronted because she can’t let her emotions show especially when she have the image of being strong. Everything is a lie. She is not what everybody sees. She is a mask of her self.

She can do everything. On her own. With her own perseverance, she can get out of this cage that she’s in for so long. She can be someone who won’t cry easily for petty things. She can be someone who is confident of herself. She can be the one who will say to the world that she is her. Someday.

She is happy. She is alive but is suffering. She is torn between moving forward and stepping back. I hope she can make it soon. The soonest I pray.

To: When in Seagull Mountain Resort, Buda

What I am always dreamed of for myself is to travel to different places with no one to be with. Where I can always think for myself and take good care of myself  and be with myself not minding the people around me for once. But not this soon… hahaha

I wasn’t expecting to travel north by myself until last Saturday. The Engineering faculty of our department went to Seagull Mountain Resort with 4 of my co-student assistants. But, then, things seem to favor me (well, I don’t fancy going there because I feel like I want to go there alone or with friends only, sorry) for they have left a box of food they need there and I was tasked to bring it there, so meaning, I am going to Buda, all by myself with a box of softdrinks and foods. Crap

I was really thrilled with the thoughts of going there alone, 1. because Donna described the place to be beautiful and cool; and 2. because I am going there alone. But, all my excitement were all drained for many reasons. I went to school to ‘fetch’ the things, that means I have to ready the things, carry them downstairs and almost cry because it was only me and Aminah who carried the things from 3rd floor to the gate; paid for 40 pesos to the porter, seated beside a lola who always speak to her apo with anger, plus she always complain about how things are done. Sucks. Fright was what I have that time. I am afraid of not knowing where to go, where to stop and who to call; I am afraid of what my bosses will say to me if I will be there; Afraid of the bus bus getting bombed on the way there and many more morbid thoughts… Yes, I really did not know where to go. But luckily, the bus conductor remembers where I will be going, mainly maybe because I kept on looking at him with my i-dont-know-where-to-go-face. haha. 

The place is very cool and amazing. I can’t explain that much. If ever I arrived there, emotionally stable and physically untired, I would have appreciated the front view of the resort. But as soon as I arrived and greeted with the laughter of Nicholai and the sight I was not expecting to see, I cried. I cried slightly to Je. What a trip.

What I really love with the trip is that I get the chance to see how God has made the mountains and trees so perfectly for people. I love how cool the place is. How people found living along with trees and mountains. I can’t describe the feeling.

I am not the picture loving girl so I am using Niks, pics from his GoPro. Thanks Nik! Well, we went to Bemwa, and the falls of Seagull. Given a chance, I would like to go back there and enjoy myself for a while. Pics, everyone.

Thanks, Seagull!

You and I… done

I tried

I tried patching up everything

I tried not minding everything you have done

I tried patching us up

But you gave up.

 

You gave up on everything,

You gave up on everything that we built.

You gave up on giving another chance of us.

You gave up our love

You left me.

 

You said you love me,

I believed in you.

You know how much I love you,

I know you do.

It was then, me and you.

 

Before you left me, I was your everything

Before you left me, we we’re okay,

Before you left me, you were contented

Before you left me, everything’s fine.

But that was before.

 

I was your princess, back then

I was your everything, back then

I was your world, back then

Back then, where our lives are both okay

Back then.

 

I am hurting.

I am hurting hearing those words from you

I am hurting seeing how you are hurt.

I am hurting.

I will always be, without you. 

 

Today, you wished to meet me

At the place where we first met

Today, I am doing the best thing I know

To set you free

To give you back your happiness.