Memories and Feels

Anhyeonghaseyo!

I am back from writer’s block! HAHAHAHAHA I’ve been pre-occupied with my finals, requirements for my internship, and problems of existence~ char. But well, I am on my survival mode and hopefully will be able to overcome these shits life has prepared for me. *wink wink*

On the lighter note, I want to share to all of you my latest 5 top senti songs on my phone. Well because its -Ber months already and I always feel senti with I-don’t-know-what reasons I have. Being senti is like being in a music video for those mellow, love-love, brokenhearted music you have on your playlist. So here are the songs, (I will be using youtube for you to watch the music videos) and most of the songs I have are Visayan songs because the feels, babe. And I would like also to share my memories and feels with the song, if I have.

Sa Akong Heart – Von Saw

The song is about someone telling how he will cherish and love his crush if they’ll end up together. The music is very catchy and imagine your crush telling you how much he wants you be his, so #KiligFeels. You know, those high school love you had. HAHAHAHA. Unfortunately, I’m not blessed with that kind of love because, I am not popular in terms of beauty in our school. I’m popular with my brains. *waw

Pero Atik Ra – Jacqueline Chang 

I’ve been napaasa. 😬😐😢 I hoped for that certain person to love me because, well probably, he did told me I am special for him and all the fucks then in a blink *poof* he was gone. Pathetic. Well, the song is about a girl, telling someone that she will stop running for that someone’s attention, love and everything, but will still  hoped that that someone will chase her, wanting her back. I know it’s a pathetic move, and those who are inlove are fools. I am a fool, damn. And I want to give myself the satisfaction of turning my back, completely, and facing my future with nothing to hold back. And that is what I am doing right now. Head on! 👊🏻

Nobody But You – Monica Cuenco 

Say You Won’t Let Go – James Arthur

Nobody but you and Say You Won’ Let Go are two songs who promised everlasting, true and real and happy love. These songs drag my ultimate and forever crush on my mind. He WAS always there for me for the past years. He was my shock absorber and I always go back to him at the end of the day. Today, as I am writing this, I lost communication with him. Like the other people in my life, he promised to be at my back, always, in times of need and not in need. But he broke that promise. But my mind always lingers with him. He was always the one to bring back the smile in my face, way way wayyyyyy back. Awww, I miss him.

Kung Siya Man – TJ Monterde

The song brings all the heartaches of unrequited love. He laid everything, of what will he do, what will he feel and what will happen to his love for her if he won’t be chosen by her. I know. I feel you. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHuhuhu.

I know the songs made you cryy. I cri sometimes when I am on my deepest and lowest feelings. So, okay rana. Kayaha ang kasakit. Kay at the end of the day, you’ll always got yourself to lean on in times of hardships, broken feels and happy feels. Move forward girl.😘

Here is my last song, I love this song because it makes you feel loved kahit sa song man lang. ENJOY! *wink wink

Sila – SUD

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Hi there, again.

I better put my shit together. I was exchanging lol messages with Jerald a while ago when suddenly my mood has changed. He was always friendly to me. I like Jerald as a person, you know but I don’t like how he looks at me as a person. Yesteryears ago, I practically did a sort […]

Thoughts

Everyone knows me to be the happy one. The weird, annoying but happy one. And that is what I always think of myself. I always shrug away the depressing and sad vibes because I always thought that I just made up all those emotions. So what I do, I watch funny videos, blast my headphones with party music, read, write or anything to shoo away those. And the result? All the emotions which were put on the side had piled into something big. Something very heavy that I don;t know if I can still do it.

I think something is wrong with me.

That is what I am thinking these past few days now. I don’t know why. I feel so incomplete like something is missing on my life and it is causing me to function slowly. I don’t know. I want to look for answers.

I am not the open type of girl. Yes, I do say what I wanted to say without pausing or thinking and tries to still stood up to what I said even though I am on the wrong track but opening my heart to other people is my biggest fear.

I am afraid to be judged.

I am afraid to hear the bad truth, hard and hurting things about me.

I am afraid that these people will know what I am most afraid of, what I am sad of and what I am crying of. 

I am afraid that they will tell how I am weak and I am just acting things up.

I am so afraid to be judged.

One night, I came at the house around 11 from the school, and I was so tired and sleepy. I reached out to my phone and started to compose a text that I just arrived at the house. But then, I realized, I don’t have anyone who cares about me. Well, yes, I got Donna and Jeraldin and my fam and Irish and Niño but they have their own lives. And I feel like they will just ignore me if I will text them these crappy thoughts of mine. They do, as well as me, have lives to live and own problems to deal with and I feel like whenever I open up to them, they will shrug the thing away and will just tell me to ‘grow up’, ”get your shit together’ and ‘life is short’. Things like that.

I don’t ask any help when I was little. I am already contented on what I have and I just receive things given to me with no complains and do my thing on my own. It’s not like I don’t have parents. Maybe they just thing that I am independent enough to do it. I don’t have somebody whom I shared and open up my feelings and emotions with. And I feel like so full that I want to burst and just die to escape everything I’ve been with, everything I am up to. But no. I just can’t.

I need someone whom I can share my heartaches with. Someone who will say to me that “It’s okay, I’m here. Tell me everything.” Someone who is so kind enough to just hear things out, never judge, understands me and is happy because he knows me.

I wish I could just cure myself. I wish I could say, “it’s okay self, Everything will be okay.” I wish I could say to myself, “you are loved, don’t worry.” But someone isn’t there to know what I feel inside.

I guess I have to settle with these. I guess I have to continue lying to myself that I am strong and I can do everything and deal with anything.

Kaya nako ni. Ako pa strong ko.  😢😔☹️

 

Bye, 2015. Hello, 2016

Another year has passed and a new year in on. I really don’t want to evaluate my last year because I am that awesome and my year was awesome loljk. I know that I have done bad things, good things, and great things last year. I love my life, if you must know.

If you will ask me what my new year’s resolution is, well, I don’t have because I am the come what may one. The one who goes with the flow but thinks of what will happen next.

Well, I wanted to share here some eventful things on the last days of Christmas. One thing is that after four years, my batch, SASO 2012, won on the SASO Batch Christmas ID where I was tasked to edit the vids. I was so happy that time that I posted the trophy on facebook lol. Click here for the post.

Staying at house for the Christmas break bores me so much. I sure did spend time with my relatives. But I am not allowed to go out and meet some friend because I don’t know, well I am good at that because I am so lazy I feel not getting up the bed lol. I only go out the place when my mother will ask me to ran errands for her. Sigh. Boring but I still love how I spent it because I have the time for my family, annoying my sister and her friends, bossing around the house when the parentals are not around. You know typical big sis jobs haha.

I also spent time with Irish, my girl bestfriend and Niño, my boy bestfriend. Irish has a new boyf now and I am happy for her. I am always happy for her, you know that I got some pics with her and I feel like not posting most of it cos, those are treasures you know. On the other hand, I don’t have a picture of Niño here on my phone. Why? Because her girlf hates me so much I think she’ll strangle him to death whenever she’ll see one. The truth is I love annoying her but I am just worried with Niño for he will really beg me not to post something on facebook because his love will get angry. Poor him hahaha.

Most eventful thing? When we waited for Christmas to come at my parents room. My sibs are out and I feel like I am the baby once again. Haha. It feels like I am the favorite again and I am the only one again. I am pretty jealous of my sibs but I always put on my mind that I am the oldest so I should let go. Char.

pics:

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I am happy with what 2015 let me experience and I am hoping for more adventures this 2016.

To 2015: Mischief Managed.

To 2016: I Solemnly Swear That I’m Up To No Good.

*insert Harry Potter themesong*

To do before 25

“Bucket List – a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime.

I have came across a bucket list while browsing on the internet, and I feel like, because I am 20 and independent already (char), I should somehow accomplish something out of my comfort zone and well, independently. (Cheers for more mature mind!) I view bucket list as maybe my to do list, which I am

So here is my list to 25!

  • Learn how to swim
  • Drive around town alone
  • Travel to nearest tourist spots
  • Hiking with friends!
  • Learn how to cook 3 specialties
  • Dance cover with the girls!
  • Learn to play atleast 1 instrument
  • Sleepover with bestfriends
  • Bake cake or cupcake
  • Stargazing
  • Dance in the rain with my bestfriends
  • Make a scrapbook
  • Gate crash a wedding or a debut
  • Start a business
  • Tie messages in a balloon and let it go
  • Watch sunrise at the beach
  • Photo of a sunset with someone special (yikee!)
  • More blogs to post
  • Wear bikini
  • Get drunk
  • Party with the girls
  • Throw a message in the bottle

Well maybe that’s on my mind now. I still have 5 years to add to these bucketlist and 5 years to accomplish these.