Hi there, again.

I better put my shit together.

I was exchanging lol messages with Jerald a while ago when suddenly my mood has changed. He was always friendly to me. I like Jerald as a person, you know but I don’t like how he looks at me as a person.

Yesteryears ago, I practically did a sort of bad thing. It involved me and my neighbor, Reymark. And I was always teased because of that. Now that I am 20 years old and that was ages ago, my childhood friends, whom I treasured the most, drifted away from me.

Reymark is engaged to someone which means he won’t even lay a single glance at me. Grace now has a baby. I don’t like how she pushed me away when she was pregnant when all I wanted to do is to be here with her. Alvin went to  Manila to study and Jerald is just there.

I sort of hang with Jerald whenever I’ll went home. I love him, as a friend. But what he only see at me was the child who made the fvckng mistake that all she set aside upon growing up. What was it? Well I was just caught kissing my neighbor but for cheese sake, t’was ages ago. I have learned my lesson and never will I do that again.

But, what he always tell me is he wanted to kiss me like I sort of a girl who standa at the side and would love anything you want. But  no, I am not.

And I know no one will be there to say how Jerald has been so unfair to  me. Because no one really knows and would love to know. Because I  am not that significant enough.

Tomorrow, I’ll be wearing  my usual smile while dealing with the people I deal with everyday. But what sucks is that I will be wearing this, maybe, forever.

Tears,
Jani

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